Holidays are meaningful, fun, and enjoyable for many people. Yet, it’s easy to make a big production out of them when we try and accomplish all the holiday to-dos. Cue the cooking marathon, never-ending errands, perfectly orchestrated family pictures, Instagram-worthy homemade meals, … should I say more?

Planning out the “perfect” holiday season while navigating chronic illness can become overwhelming. In fact, chronic illness is emotionally and physically taxing any day of the year, so adding to it the pressure of checking off every holiday “must-do” can lead to undue pain, fatigue, and symptoms flare.

Below are 7 ideas and tips to reclaim the fun of this holiday season and alleviate some of the stress.

1.     Set boundaries

Setting boundaries can be as easy as saying NO! “I appreciate the invitation but I won’t be able to attend”, “I love that you’re hosting this event, I’ll pass this year. Hope you have a fun time!” And give yourself permission to turn down invitations without justifying yourself if you don’t want to. 

Limit the number of events that you attend. Identify the ones you really want to be part of, whether you’re hosting or attending, and RSVP no to the other ones. 

And before attending a party, it can be helpful to have an idea of how much time you plan on spending there. Know your limits! If you know from experience that you become fatigued and your pain increases significantly after one hour of mingling, standing, or being in a loud environment, give yourself permission to leave at the 55-minute mark. It can also help to share a “code word” with your partner or a friend giving you a ride. This way, they know that when you say “blue cheese” it’s time to leave! 

2.     Prioritize the things that bring you most joy and meaning

Be wise about how you spend your time, energy (and even money)! Prioritize activities, events, experiences that bring you joy or meaning. Ditch those that you don’t particularly care about. 

It’s okay if your list of “must-do holiday things” looks different from that of your next-door neighbor or even from your list from the previous year. Make space and time for the very things that are important to you and your family, and let go of the rest. It may be that having a well-decorated house was important to you in years past, but the cost of decorating is now outweighing the fun of it all. 

3.     Simplify your life as much as possible

Some holiday experiences or items may be important to you, yet you’d rather not be in charge of planning or executing them. For instance, you may enjoy nicely wrapped gifts but wrapping gifts for hours increases your pain. You enjoy eating a traditional thanksgiving meal but can’t stand for hours cooking in the kitchen. Delegate! Find support to make the holiday season meaningful without having to be the one in charge of all the logistics. 

And allow yourself to take off your list all the activities and items that you’ve been doing but that don’t really bring you or your family much joy or meaning. It’s not rare that we find ourselves doing things out of habit only to realize that it’s not something that speaks to our values.

4.     Self-care

Now is the time to double-up on self-care! The holiday season is without an ounce of a doubt one of the most stressful and busy time of year. Holidays are physically, emotionally, financially taxing. It’s important to be even more intentional about making time for your needs and prioritize your body and mind. 

And if you don’t enjoy the holidays, it can also be difficult to go through this season. So taking care of yourself and reaching out for support might be much needed.

5.     Pace yourself

Pacing is an important aspect of living with chronic illness. The holidays should be no exception. While your schedule might be more packed than usual and your to-do list might run longer, try as much as possible to plan errands and events in a way that allows for resting and recovery. For instance, don’t frontload your week or month with all your gift shopping. You might find yourself overwhelmed and in greater pain after pushing yourself too much. 

The key word here is to plan! 

6.     Keep up with your routines

Over time, you’ve come to learn what behaviors and activities help alleviate your symptoms and allow you to support your health needs. Whether it’s stretching, getting enough sleep, walking daily or planning healthy meal options, some routines are essential to your wellbeing and should be maintained even during busiest times. We could even argue that they might be even more important to maintain in times of stress!

Make a list of your non-negotiable routines and plug them into your schedule before planning anything else. Then, you can schedule other events and errands around your routines, as much as possible. 

7.     Create traditions that are meaningful to you and your family

The holidays should be meaningful to you. As you learn to cope with chronic illness, you’ll learn to tend to your changing needs and remain flexible with your goals and plans. Going into each new holiday season gives you an opportunity to assess what parts of the holidays work for you and what you may need to adjust.

Creating fun traditions that are meaningful for you and your family AND respect your health needs is especially important. One family for instance started a new tradition for Thanksgiving, when each family member would order in their favorite food, and they would then share a meal in bed, picnic style, and it made for great memories! You can also plan on having a virtual Friendsgiving, which allows you to rest as needed and turn down the volume when you need to take a break. 

As we enter this holiday season, take some time to reflect on what you want this season to look like and how you can focus on the most meaningful experiences without adding to much physical and emotional stress. 

I am Dr. Aurelie Lucette, a clinical psychologist who provides individual therapy in Miami and online throughout the state of Florida. I can help with issues related to anxiety, stress, sleep, and depression. I also specialize in therapy for adults living with cancer , chronic illness, chronic pain, and caregiving stress.