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How can I support someone going through cancer treatments?

Cancer is whirlwind, and it takes a village to go through the physical and emotional ups and downs of a cancer diagnosis. Having a friend, loved one or colleague diagnosed with cancer can feel pretty intimidating, and it is not uncommon to feel overwhelmed by the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.  In this video, I discuss four ways to help someone going through cancer treatments (chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, etc).

Tip number one is to offer support with day-to-day operations.

Cancer treatments can be overwhelming. Not only can they be time-intensive, there are also a lot of side effects (fatigue, pain, nausea, anxiety) that can make day-to-day functioning challenging. Even the little things that we take for granted, such as getting out of bed, showering, eating breakfast, getting the kids ready for school can become quite overwhelming. Any support that you can provide with these activities, any help you can give your friend to make their life easier is likely to be much appreciated. 

I would also recommend asking their primary caregivers if there’s a website that has been set up, such as www.caringbridge.org or www.mealtrain.com to coordinate the patient’s care, and then sign up for any item listed that you can support them with. If they haven’t set up a website to coordinate support for your friend or loved one, offer to set it up for them! 

Tip number two is to stay in touch with your loved one as they go through cancer treatments.

You may very well be thinking “Hey, they’re going through a whole lot right now, they probably need some space and time.” YES, they do need space and time to go through treatments, recuperate, and take care of their body. But NO, they don’t want you to disappear from their life, most likely. They still need friends, they still need to talk about other things than their cancer diagnosis. So, stay in touch, check-in on them! Send them a text, call them, send them a note, or a care package. But show up in their life! 

And often times, what prevents people from showing up for their loved ones, friends, or colleagues when they have cancer is not knowing what to say or being afraid of saying the wrong thing. Keep it simple, keep it brief. It can sound like “I’m thinking about you, I’m sorry you’re going through this”, “I don’t know what it’s like to go through cancer but I’m here for you, I love you, and I want to support you.” Again, keep it brief, show up for them, and take it from there!

Tip number three is to offer support to their primary caregivers and close family members.

We know that cancer not only affects the patient, but it also impacts their loved ones. And loved ones, not only do they have to process the emotions of seeing someone they love go through cancer, they also often have to step in with responsibilities and roles that they may not be used to or have a lot of time to do (e.g., running more errands, being responsible for all the childcare, etc) which can be overwhelming. Check in with them and offer support with running errands, meal planning for instance, and also ask them how they’re doing from an emotional standpoint. If it feels comfortable, ask them if they need to talk or if they need help with anything.

Tip number four is to ask for permission.

Ask for permission if you want to stop by their house to see how they’re doing and say hello. They may not be in a place where they want to see anyone. They may be tired or dealing with side effects and needing some rest. Also ask for permission before asking questions about their diagnosis. They may or may not want to talk about their cancer diagnosis, so take their lead. And ask permission if you want to give some advice related to cancer or anything health-related. It’s important to tread very carefully when it comes to advice-giving. I often err on the side of not giving any advice, but if you feel that some information or resources may be useful to them, ask them if it’s okay to share it with them.

For more ideas and resources on coping with a medical condition or supporting a loved one, sign up for our bi-weekly newsletter!

I am Dr. Aurelie Lucette, a clinical health psychologist who provides individual therapy in Miami and online throughout the state of Florida. I can help with issues related to anxiety, stress, sleep, and depression. I also specialize in therapy for adults living with cancer , chronic illness, chronic pain,caregiving stress.